She's here!

We're so excited to welcome our newest little addition to the family! Ruth Ann Hibbert was born on July 29th. We were shocked when she weighed in at only 8 lbs - more than 3 pounds less than our last baby who was 11 lbs 4 oz. and our smallest baby by 2 pounds! She's 21 inches long and has lots of dark hair. She's getting so much love from everyone and we're feeling very blessed to have her.

One last belly shot.

Camery's so excited to have another sister.
My other little ones-

Jacob (4), Joshua (3), Caleb (6), Camery (8), Ben (1), missing Esther (would be 2)

First & Last Times

These pictures are the very first and very last times I ever held my baby girl.

The first picture was right after Esther was born and the doctors handed her straight to me. I love that feeling - the first time you see your new baby! We hadn't found out if we were having a boy or a girl, so it was a very exciting moment.

The second picture is still hard to see sometimes. It was New Years Eve and we were at a party at my mom's house. I had just changed Esther's diaper and was feeding her. Her daddy got to take care of her for the rest of the night and this was my last time to hold her. It's just hard to believe that she was gone just 12 hours after this picture was taken. It's hard to see this picture and realize I had no idea what was about to hit me the next morning.

I'm trying to focus more on all the fun memories I have with Esther between the times these two pictures were taken and not to let what happened after the New Years Eve picture overshadow the happy times we spent with Esther. Dan shared a sweet Dr. Suess quote with me that has helped me.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

Esther would have turned two last week. It's still so hard not having her here. As I lay in bed tossing and turning the night before her birthday, my heart was broken each time I thought of facing Esther's second birthday without her. I wasn't ready for the day - I wasn't ready to be sad - I wasn't ready to deal with the grief again. My heart is so worn out from hurting.

I realized in the middle of the night that I was tossing and turning just like this two years ago too. Knowing that in just a few more hours I would go to the hospital and have my new sweet baby.

I remember after she was born just being heartbroken by her sweet little cry. They let me hold her immediately after for about 10 minutes, then the nurses took her to check her out. Of course, she didn't like all the bright lights and poking and her cry just melted my heart. After that I got to hold her for a couple hours and feed her. Then the nurses took her to the nursery for a few hours so I could rest. When they brought her back to me to feed her again, I remember waking up to the nurse entering the room and I was so excited to see Esther again. I said to Esther as the nurse was handing her to me, "I missed you so much sweetheart". She had only been away from me for a couple hours.

Little did I know that day that in just 8 short months, I would have to be separated from her for so much longer than just a few hours. I remember the first night after she died, realizing that I had just spent my first night away from my little girl since she had been born. Esther was still waking up at night to eat, so I had never gone that long without being with her. It was awful to realize that this was just the first night of many. That I would have to spend the next 30 plus YEARS without her. It was just too much to face.

I had so many wonderful friends and family there for us to make Esther's birthday special. I am so grateful that she is still remembered by others, and that I have wonderful people in my life that were willing to lighten the day for me. Just that they remember my sweet girl means so much to me.

My little girl would be two now. She would be talking, she would be excited about the balloons, she would love eating her cake, she would love that it was finally her birthday and that this time the presents were for her. I wonder what I would have bought for her for her second birthday? I wonder if she would love playing with baby dolls? I wonder how she would have been with Ben? I can see her always handing him his bottle and getting toys for him to play with. I can see her getting frustrated as he crawls over to whatever she's playing with and starts messing it up. I wonder if she would play cars with her older brothers or dress-up with her big sister? She would drive me crazy with her two-year-old tantrums, but she would melt my heart with her cuddles and kisses. I wonder how long her hair would be and if she would be sit still long enough to let me do it. How I wish I didn't have to wonder . . .

We're having a . . .

GIRL!!!

Due to arrive 08-09-09

Half way there . . .

Christmas Letter 2008

I did manage to get this emailed before Christmas, but wanted to post it too since there are so many email addresses I'm missing.

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Hi everyone,

I'm too lazy to actually mail out Christmas cards, but I can handle the email version. I started putting together a letter, but then I realized it sounded pretty depressing and questioned whether I should send it or not. It's hard to think of all that has happened over the past year. Of course, the year started off with broken hearts when our little Esther unexpectedly moved to heaven on January 1st. I can't believe it's almost been a year - partly because it still hurts so much. The rest is a blur of buying a house in Utah, selling our house in New York, welcoming Ben into our family in June, and moving two weeks later. Our hearts were broken again just 3 weeks after we moved when our sweet little 18 month old nephew joined Esther in Heaven.

Obviously it's been a rough year. But a lot of great things have happened too. It has been so sweet to have our little Ben. He reminds me so much of Esther and I am happy for the memories of her that he brings back. He gets lots of extra hugs and kisses! The kids are doing well and love being closer to our families. Six years of residency are over - yeah!!! It has been great having Dan around more. We've had more time as a family - which we all love. We have learned just how amazing our family and friends are. We're so grateful for all the love and support we've had over the last year from all of you. I'm so glad we had you to help us through all this. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. And I've realized just how grateful I am for the atonement, the gospel, and that families are forever. It means so much more to me now.

With love,
Dan, Sheryl, Camery (7), Caleb (5), Jacob (4), Joshua (3), Esther (would be 19 mo, missed every day), and Ben (6 mo)

Growth Photos

Each week, we line the kids up before going to church and take a quick picture. Nothing fancy - but it's fun to just see them grow a week at a time. We started this when Camery was little. Start at the bottom of the blog and scroll up quickly (yes quickly, there are a couple hundred pictures).

When Esther died, I wanted to stop taking these pictures because it just hurt so much that she wasn't there. So Dan suggested we still include her picture - then I was okay with doing them still.

I haven't updated it for a couple months - but I've been meaning to share this.

http://hibbertgrowthchart.blogspot.com/

Family Pictures

Caleb (5), Ben (3 mo), Joshua (2), Jacob (3), Camery (7), Esther (would be 15 mo - wish she was here)

Missing my little Esther

A video of Esther's sweet laugh from December 2007.


A cute poem from a friend that is a good summary of the truth.

Ask my Mum how she is
My mum, she tells a lot of lies
she never did before
but from now until she dies
she'll tell a whole lot more

Ask my mum how she is
and because she cannot explain
she will tell a little lie
Because she cannot describe the pain

Ask my mum how she is
She'll say 'I'm alright'
if that's the truth
then tell me why does she cry each night

Ask my mum how she is
she seems to cope so well
she didn't have a choice you see
Nor the strength to yell

Ask my mum how she is
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping"
For God's sake mum just tell the truth
Just say your heart is broken

She'll love me all her life
I loved her all of mine
But if you ask her how she is
She'll lie and say I'm fine

I am here in heaven
I cannot hug from here
If she lies - don't listen
Hug her and hold her near

On the day we meet again
We'll smile and I'll be bold
I'll say your're lucky to get in here mum,
With all the lies you told.